-TMY-

Thursday, June 11, 2009

I woke up.

After a double kill from sleepless night n all the tears..... I woke up today thinking what if i won't see the world anymore instead of the people i love.. I come to realise i should say this.. hoping you would see this one day if i leave before you guys * though i'll make sure i wont leave that early =] *dear mummy i really loves you... i'm really sorry n i always n always regreted for hurting you.. i always wanted to tell you you are a great mother.. just one in the world. i loves you so much mum. dear daddy.. like bro said.. your one hell of a great dad. i know you loves me very much and i loves you very much tooo.. always asking me having enough money... always worry so much when i'm not back yet... daddy i've grown up a lot since 15 u know... daddy should take care of your health rather... you both are really great parents.. just one in the world. the one who cares so much... the one who would go on last minute vacation.. the one whom gave their best in everything to us.. i really love you both.. very very much =] omggg i'm crying badly again...i should be smilling.. then here comes this little girl.. i gave up on her... she's just sooooooooo lovable... ahaha dung dung bu bu.. we fought almost every single day but hey darling i really loves you.. you should change that naughty character of yous =] being the smallest sure's nice =D heheeee And bro ! I'll just keep the talk till i see you =] * secretive after all * hahhahahaaa

Then come this lovely lady.. wan xing.. i know you know i love you very much.. i just wanted to say it again and again.. i love you dear. a lot... a whole lot. You shouldn't burden yourself so much ya know.. * look who's talking lolz * Life's much more enjoyable than you thought. Now it sounds like a will. Swt.. No way i dun wanna leave that early. I just wanna say it.. =] hehe. Ah ma.. haha mummy always complain but i still think you're great =D hua hee tai lawls.. Ah leng always being there =] love yah.. Ah hooi, kai ma, ah keah, ah kim ah kong yen sze.... chi yong =] Ah um mummy~~ love you ^^ i've always wanted to call you mummy hehehee mum. Ah pek papa.. love yah too Ray mond koko love ya! =D you taught me a lot. Ricky koko love ya too! * shh *

It'll be a too long list if i name everyone one by one.. so i'll jsut group up u guys =]

First of all... those in hanif class.. i really n really did mean it when i was glad to meet you guys. love ya'll and will always do. Shuhail you should stop being late. But you're really greatt =] Though i gotta wait for an hour in front of you house everytime... Hahah Ranmeet.. you should stay the way you are haha... Raw Honey. Yes honey, i love ya. Kai Darling, yes i love ya too! Thanks so much you both TT u really cheered me up. And i know u meant it. =] Nicholas! you ! ONee fucking add math guy.. love ya too y know. ming ming!! i know == Hemaa.. you've been lost since we end the class.. john, gahjen, bernard, n hanif yes cikgu hanif. U're really great.

Next.. Those in sggs. JESSIE!!!!! I love you really much. When i was so down.. you could just put a smile one me without knowing the reason i was down.. And you really know when i was down =] I really miss those times with you.. Art class ! Omg ! Stay paleolitikkk.... heheheh Cheow hoong.. wow i've known you since standard one n still do.. see how much i love you~ wakkakaa Dun give up on life yeah. Se ting. Lay wah. Sam. Lay ling. Eli. yuan quan. Ah ling! yes ah ling... it's been great knowing you and will always do =] i love standing beside u ya know ^^ and soo khim too ahahaaa. Yivern... Jing wen.. n qing ai de! love yah =D * you still owe me my book lawls * those in guides.. although it hurts me once upon a time.. I just wanted you guys to know i love you'll. And lots more =] of course i love ya'll! RAihannnnnnn I'll remember u budak gila! =D Nadiah.. So many =] How great we are n how sulky we are... hehehhh

Now those in lim kok wing=] Yipi! you've been the best.. Though you always decide without hessitation. You should think more ya know. You could understand me really really well. It's as if we've known each other for such a long time. Love yah. JJ... you should really stop being late. Gud luck in future.. You're one great artist. Haha. Angie omaaaaaaa!! Your great... =] especially shooting people. you bite with your word hah ? =] Wei jing !!!!!!! burgerrrrrrrrrrr ~~ Ni ni ge ge... i miss penangggg TT Tao zhe =] Pui yock.... Elis.. Voon.. * the tidak apa group* =] ah shuang.. david. And a lots more.... =] You guys rawks. Life's been great. Like a part of my life. Breakfast Lunch Tea Dinner Supper. Haha. Mr tuna! Chern wen And Wai kin... Ah ya. It's been really complicated but no matter what it is you should move on. Get a hold of yourself back. I could feel the pain ya know. It's okay. I'll keep wondering. It doesnt matter from the beginning =] You are one great guy which i don't understand. Haha love ya. And i meant it. * I dun think u'll see this * ^^ It's a secret after all =] What happen in the room stays in the room and what happen in the blog stays in the blog =].

Ah beng's class... Ah beng himself being really great in teaching n advising...Claire~~ I've known you since in ah cek bus~~ WE've been really crazyyyy !!! hahahhaa with mun chiew wen (love yah too) n bla bla blaaaa =] You've been really great ya know.. Telling me those stories you were so amazed in those guys who's so hot n the ladies... =] And now doing what you love best.. Work hard claire =] love yah. Eng hoon ~ sweet heart. Always be happy okay =] You've been really great tooooo hehe. Louis! ahaks stay just you~ you~ love yah.

Those from on9~ Msn.. friendster... o2jamm.... You guy's been really great. I miss you mitzi mei =] lindy mei =] ling mei =] piano mei =] so mui.. wei yi. bunny zai, ariel jie, grey jie and so much much much more ~~love yah =] eewen you've been really rich i know... =D hehehe ! aslene leng lui~ ray chan.. though u got me ccrazyyyy but u've been great ehehhehe. Kylee ! Ahh kylee =] do well in life ^^ nik.. Ping shien gor~! i love yah=] you've been really great telling me direction n comforting me supporting me.. all the way~ n still do ! ken!! oh ken. love yah dear.. we always joke around.. always do heheh =D dai lou~ gong gong ~ n raymond ! yes you've been so great at comforting =] always my friend~! Then jeff~! haha and ! Ms. Caterpillar. <3thanks>You guys have been a part of my life. The one i rush all the way back home to talk too =] eehehehe blurting out everything! heheheh

Now. These great guys which i don't know where i should group them. Dennis ! I've known you for as long as i can remember... and still does. Love ya' know... You've been really great sinceeeeee... 1997? hahaha ! Always there to make me smile.. Telling how u miss me.. I miss you too.. so much. Do well in life dear. Next'll be Munira. I've known you for kinda long.. Always there to joke with me! Wishing to kidnap you! Hehehhe i'll succeed one day.. love ya so muchhh peng you. wo ai ni! Sau fei. Hah though i know you from msn * woots ! * wahaha i never remembered so. I always n always remember you as my great friend. The one's who's there to comfort me when nobody does... To tell me answers to my million questions!! heheh love yah too =] Hope u get a great girl some day =] Gogilam. Always text me. hehe and always do =]

It's been such a long list yeah ?? Well there's so much more that i havn't mentioned! But i think i don't have to.. Cuz u'll are in my heart. =] always yeah...? hehheeee life's been sulky life's been great. That's just life yeah ? =] hehe

I've been talking pretty much lately.. Rather than uploading pictures wahahhaa but hey you don't get to see this offen ^^ Sorray for all this.... Been down currently wahhha Depressed. Depressedddddd no more.

Daniel. Oh Daniel.

Hey i've been thinking pretty long...
Weather i should or shouldn't post da link.
Well * i'm sorry bro* to destroy your secret WAHAHHAAHHAAA

http://itsjustanotherchapter.blogspot.com/

Daniel's Blog.

Whatever seen in the blog remains in the blog...

i hope. =]

Something can be so Precious and you did not realise it until you lose it..

I couldn't stand it anymore.. I tought i would read all of his post and then only pour out everything here. Right here in this blog. Look. I created this blog as the same intention as he did. To pour out everything kept in my heart when i could not take it anymore. Worse. when i could not tell anybody. And of course meant as a secret lawls. He says when his friend is down.. He would ask them why are you feeling down today. What happen that made you feel bad. Hey, but how many of you actually asked my back when i need that question. That made me wonder how many of you are my true friends. But i know most of you are.. just that not a part of my life. Me. Today when i was so down... I even asked my friend people like us are good aren't we. We always ask how are you... Almost everyday. BUt again! who's been asking me that question? And now.. honestly i had 44 people on9 on my list and i scrolled down the list finding there's no one i could talk to? Haha.. what a nice joke ain't it?

AHaks it all happening because of this thing... Wondering. Thinking... I've been stronger than i can be i suppose. Ahhh i remembered how i got this down.

Today i was flipping through the magazine i was unable to even read yesterday because i fear i would breakdown in front of my parents and her. Then i remembered my friends who's been encouraging me to smile. Keep smiling although it was so painful... Yes dear, i am smilling. And kept smilling. Then i was uploading pictures in friendster and there's him. Danz. I digged out my form 4 add math book where i wrote his email n pass given by veen... Thank god i successfully digged them out.. After 2 years LOL. Then i enter his friendster... reading through the comment.. those i've posted too. It seems so funny and immature but that brings back a lot of memories. THen i remembered he has a blog a long time agoo..

And how i found da blog ?? GOOGLE. GOOGLE. wahhahahaaa. I just love google. How i get the idea? simple.. THANKS TO JESSSIE who always ask me to use google to find manga. It's just the same. I typed Daniel Teoh and to my surprise It was there ! Even face book.. LOLZ and i found this one link which has the same name. Daniel Teoh. on blog too. So i opened it up. Fuck. I just couldn't take it anymore that tears keep falling downnn... Helplessly. Non stop. I've been keeping these tears for such a long time as i can remember. Even people might feel weird or they just tought i did not even care? It wasn't me who was crying when he passed on. I was the one comforting. I understand all of us were n was sad n etc. But just who's gonna comfort me ? yes you... and oh god? yeah i suppose. All of them says just the exact same thing. Sorry, condolence, and bla bla bla. I don't need all of them ya know. I just don't. Being the same surname.. I had the same secretive side of him didn't me ?? hahahaa. Anyway i cared. I cared so much that i thought i would not hang on to myself just reading his blog.

OKay back to topic..and from this * friend of him * i linked to sharon... A girl who's really close to my bro.. Wasn't you^^ i know you do. And thanks ffor all those help and tenderness. It's been great of you. And i know you felt the same as all of us do. But keep smilling ^^. Your really good at it too =].

Okay... I forgot what i wanna say... Totally.

Oh yeah.. Nvm let's continue with what i've got.. Reading his blog was not easy... He has pretty longgggggggggg written essay. If he's given 1000 words essay this is not a problem at all. I learned that he was really depressed and how much he loved us and how many great friends he had. It's as if he was leaving behind all those memorial. Messages... I've found pretty much things he wanted to say. * he's been writing a lot like if 'you' found out * * if 'you' read this one day * As if he knows... he won't be here long. Sighh. And as i streamed through his blog... i myself was never mentioned. I know i never did mentioned him too... But we knew. How much we love each other.. Until that day. That day. Just a day after the bufday of the little girl. He meant the world to me. So much.

Every little i do now reminds me of him... I see people wrote that they just had dinner with him 2 days before it happen and dey never tought it was the last time. And dey did not took a picture together. Well don't be dissapointed... You had a friend here who just had dinner with him celebrating the little girl's bufday and never took a picture together. Then i realised.. We never had a picture with just the both of us. What a sister i am? hahaha but above all it's needless to mention i love you. Thank god you knew ^^. I told you... At least.. i was happy * though u were on the phone * hahaha and i was driving. * zai wa sayang lu tiok ho * and everything went really well.......... god's given enough. Though he went to him early.. He gave me everything. Everything... is better than nothing =] definately. A supper, a dinner. That's more than enough wasn't it ? Hahaha. And guess what !? I did not even say goodbye to him on the day he went back to KL. Sorry it was suppose to be on the day he went back to his lord.

As i read more and more. I came across this place. Coco banana. Haha i myself have not been a really good girl... But who would tought we'd be in the same place? Lawls. And there was this person name kyle. I just wonder if they're the same people. As much as you're always being FFK. I am too. By you. Sadly. It hurts so much everytime no matter the tiniest thing i do. I thought of you. YOU. Clubbing together. Hah sure.. Every single thing... brings back you to me. And i was thinking now... it would be great if you're here because i know you would be the one who would nudge me... call me budak imba and etc. on msn..

Haha enough for now.. I should keep reading as i was keen to finish them by today.. owh wait the day just started ain't it? I had so many question to asked.. So many thing to tell you but what's left ?? NOthing. Ahhhh no. You're always here. Right here. In my heart. You never left... Not even a second. * oh now sharon's moth came into my mind * we got one too... it was there the whole night. AnD! whenever i look into his picture.. he's smilling ^^ although i was dragged by mum to see him and start saying he come back n bla bla bla i just replied narhh ur thinking too much.. But deep in my heart. I believe. I believe he's always here. Never left. I kept myself wondering and i won't find the answer for sure. Cause you're not here to answer me.

There's once i dreamt about you. * a few times * but this one... You told me you were fine.. And you asked me to take care. Thanks. Take care too my dear.. Always and forever cherished. Daniel Teoh ^^ Cien Yang. You know i really wanna talk to you... So i'll just whisper them every night before i sleep ^^ * i'm actually crying omg * thought so many smilly face were potrait. Hey sometimes... smilling just hurt.. And i'm just a human. I can't smile when it hurts so much thinking of how misfortunate people feel ya know. You understand you told me. Deep in my heart I felt the same feeling. You wouldn't understand unless you are me. Selfish enough to think so but i really tought so. Let's not talk about what i wish to do with you... It'll be an endless list. Haha.

Love ya always n forever.

koko.

koko...

i missed calling you ~

* continue reading * and * tears continue to flow * dam !

narhhh who would care.. it's 2.36 am n I"M alone ^^

Friday, May 29, 2009

Random =D

18th April, 1u

love shape wahahaaaa

CHOCOLATE at 1 u =]

yummy yummy esquire kitchen ! after so long no eat.. really must thank ch n her mum =]

17th april.................

the corridor O.O we drawn ==v colour shading lol! that clearly explain why we dress like go pasar every friday u see hahahaaa life drawing woots

14 April, 2nd day of presentation